Poopie End of the Stick

Poopie End of the Stick by Henry Yarghn In a world dominated by companies offering to cut time from our everyday tasks, streamline our busy schedules, and make our lives less complicated, it seems strange there are companies out there trying to achieve the exact opposite. They make millions of dollars every year complicating our lives and causing total disorder in our homes. They know who they are and they know we fall for it. I’m talking about dog breeders. I recently purchased two minpins. For those of you who don’t know what a minpin is – I’ll explain. It’s a small version of the cranky, toothy, and other wise aggressive full-size Doberman Pinscher. Toothy…I mean tiny, razor teeth like a Piranha, but with fur, who posses the ability to shred a single tennis ball in a matter minutes. Suggestion…shave the ball before unleashing the bright, green fuzz monster into your home. Cranky…I mean feisty, growling, barking, teeth bearing, skin scrapping little attitudes. Basically, the minpin is a tiny eating, attitude giving, pooping machine. After three months of taking them outside to poop…at all hours of the day and night, rain, sleet, and snow, I realized the dog breeders are getting the clean end of the stick and the customers, such as myself, are getting the poopie end of the stick. Consider this. I paid $1000.00 US for two dogs. I pay veterinarian bills. I pay for dog food, doggie treats, collars, leashes, toys, and I have to spend time training them or pay someone to train them. In reality, I paid a dog breeder to make my life crazy. I paid a dog breeder so I could clean up poop on my carpet. I even paid a dog breeder to have my furniture chewed. Now, instead of loafing in a mall, or enjoying a relaxing cup of coffee after going out to diner, I’m considering whether I have to clean up a mess when I get home. If I hurry, will there be less of a chance of having a mess? Did I close the kennel gate? Are they loose in the house, eating my socks? Will I have furniture when I get home? Have they chewed through the door and are they now chewing on my neighbor’s tires? How much is this going to cost me? What other industry in the world gets paid to destroy your home? What a sweet deal these dog breeders have. They get paid to create chaos. So, why do we fall for it? There have been studies that prove having a pet improves and lengthens human life. Dr. Karen Allen at the State University of New York at Buffalo shows that pets can help lower blood pressure. Wow! We got to live longer so we can clean up more poop. A study conducted at Australia's University of New England found that people who own feline friends may experience fewer psychiatric disturbances than those without cats. What a relief knowing I’m not going to freak-out in public, just at home when I spot the huge pile of poop. While walking our dogs, we're also more likely to socially interact with your neighbors. Yeah, I get to spend the morning apologizing to my neighbors for their shredded newspapers. I tried walking around the block with two Flexi-leashes. I played jump rope the entire time. Once I missed! I was wrapped from my ankles to my knees in two twenty-foot leashes…not fun, especially while people are staring and laughing. I just tell myself they are not laughing at me, they are laughing with me. All the while I have two big-eyed, what-did-I-do faces staring up at me. How can I get upset? I tried the verbal warnings without the leashes, not recommended when your neighbor steps out of her house wearing panty hoses. Finally, pets encourage us to get more exercise. Chasing the little monsters around the house during bath time is always fun and productive, not to mention refreshing when we end up wetter than they do. I have but one excuse for not exercising…the dogs ate my equipment. So why do we do it? Why do we spend money on those pesky little creatures, which torment us night and day? The fact is…pets are loyal. They don’t care what we look like. They don’t care about anything except being our unconditional friends. They will talk, play, and rest without complaint. They are always there, no matter what. We look into those cute little faces and our heart’s melt. How could we not do everything we do for them? While I’m the first to admit my monsters are a handful, I love them all the same. Minpins may be smaller than the real thing, but they are just as likely to cause you headache and break your heart with those big, beautiful eyes.